My room smells like vodka and shame
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This baby is an asshole
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
