so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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