that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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