I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Your penis caused this!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
