I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
