I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
