Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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