I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
