I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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