i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
