I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
my poor anus
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
