Someone shit on the floor
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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