I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
