No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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