bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
