I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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