tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
