hotel room ftw
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
