the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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