Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
