my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
