fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
