I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
even my farts smell like vagina
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Randomize
