remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
