I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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