Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
