we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
