After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You need a sexual gate keeper
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
