And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize