She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
