i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
