i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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