So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Found the puke drawer
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
