i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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