I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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