3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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