I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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