Can i not drive my cunt home
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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