Dude my mom stole all your condoms
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
