i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
