Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
