hotel room ftw
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
