Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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