My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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