Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
