You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
