The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
