you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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