I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
