At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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