apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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